A gathering of ideas, rants, reflections leading up to the big day
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
I love this blog and who knows, maybe I'll come back and post sometimes...but I think this blog is done.
To my blog- thank you. You made wedding planning fun and easy. The thousaands (literally) of unpublished posts saved me from insanity.
To my readers- wow. What a journey we've taken. Thank you for reading, commenting and supporting. I hope to see you here.
Monday, June 15, 2009
She proceeds to "call" someone on it and inform them that we were taking off soon, so she wouldn't be available by phone for an hour or so.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
D$ and I had a great Memorial day weekend. We had dinner Friday with his sister, after dinner drinks with our favorite friends in Phoenix. Saturday we drove North east, to a little "Nation-town" on the Navajo Nation. Our friends are up there doing a medical rotation and it is a great launching points for some of the prettiest spots in AZ, maybe the country.
We went to Lee's Ferry and hiked around the Colorado River, spotted some California Condors, were rained on and shone upon.
Sunday we spent at the North Rim of the Grand Canyon. If you've been to the GC, you most likely went to the South Rim, the North- if you can do it- is less crowded, quieter and just as spectacular. We did a few rim hikes but mostly stood and awed at the sites.
Here's where we get to the nitty gritty. Our friends we visited in Phoenix are Child-free. Our friends in Northern AZ have a 6 month old. I thought I would walk away from this trip feeling a longing for the baby. Don't get me wrong, I held him and squeezed him and cooed at him as much as possible for the time we were together. When he fell asleep holding my finger, I thought I had died and gone to heaven. But then, when he woke up and screamed and carried on...I wanted to shoot myself in the head. And here's the real kicker: He is a great baby. He only cried for food and to be changed. He at six months, is babbling and finding his voice and all I wanted was quiet.
I found myself jealous of our PHX friends who like to travel as much as us and the freedom they are enjoying. I found myself resentful of the baby for hindering our trip. We couldn't do a 10 mile hike, because of the baby. We couldn't go down 4 miles into the canyon because the trail was too steep to carry the baby pack with us.
Last night D$ and I were relaxing on our porch planning our next adventures. Next summer came up and we have a few vacations in the work already. Then I made the comment: These plans are all void if we have a baby. That stopped us both short.
I know there is never a right time to have a baby, right?...there is always something we can argue about: traveling, our careers, housing, blah blah. But there can be a WRONG time.
We aren't making any decisions one way or another. But dear god, there is something so appealing to me about being child-free. Something I never really considered before. And this is where I am scared...once you start doubting your desire to pro-create, can you come back from that?
The one thing I am sure of now is that I owe it to myself and to my marriage to explore these feelings and doubts with serious consideration.
post script. These thoughts are fresh...like 12 hours fresh. They are not fully formed and I am just learning how to handle them. I thought a first good step is to write them out. If you are interested in someone who is decidedly child-free and lays out a wonderful map as to how she and her husband got there read this.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
I love the cactus, the succulents, the colors that most people don't even know exist in the desert. The last month has been filled with yellows, greens, purples. I love the Sonoran desert I live in, where I can drive an hour to snow, a few hours to the beach, but I can drive 2 minutes and be in a canyon to hike.
But what I truly love about living in the desert....the sounds. Where we live, we hear a variety of sounds: owls, quail, bats squeaking, coyotes, javelina barking, rattle snakes- all from the comfort of our second floor porch.
Last night was a menagerie of sounds. D$ came in to wake me up at 10pm as we could hear a bobcat or Mountain Lion on our roof. Then at 5am I hear a pack of coyotes, um, shall I say dining?! Perhaps on the bobcat from our roof! I have learned to distinguish hunting coyotes, eating coyotes, playful new born coyotes (they learn to get their howl like a car that won't turn over...bark bark how- cough, bark, bark , bark hoooow- cough).
I never fail to wake with a smile on my face when I hear the coyotes. What a nice reminder of the special place I live!
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
I have no regrets about our planning or the results of our wedding. Let me be honest, it was bad-ass. I loved it, every minute and would do it all again, no changes.
However, my TucsonBFF got engaged this weekend and I am sooo pleased for her, but filled with regret. D$ didn't ask me to marry him, he didn't get down on one knee. He didn't have a ring. We didn't have a huge announcement, in fact when we called to tell his folks, their phone was out of order, so we told my folks- then had to wait another day to tell his. This after being engaged for a week without sharing with anyone (that part I don't regret!). So I read all 44 and counting comments on facebook and I am bursting inside for her! But also a bit regretful that we don't have an engagement story.